Saint Nick saved my life

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The weather in Florida has been beautiful the past few weeks.  Sunny and clear with highs in the high 60s to low 70s.  Perfect time to open the sunroof and go for a drive.  I did just that today on my way to pick the boys up from school.  I jammed out to Adam Ant and other alternative classics as I inched forward in the car pickup line.

The boys jumped in the car loaded with heavy backpacks and hands full of holiday crafts.  Max handed me some handmade ornaments and a plate of Nutter Butter reindeer cookies.  They situated themselves and buckled their seat belts as I pulled away from the curb.

Then I heard Max say in a deadly serious tone, “Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh.”

Somehow his words directed my gaze upward toward the sky that was shining in through the open sunroof. In the crack where the glass meets the car frame sat a GIANT GREEN GRASSHOPPER.

It was a mammoth.

I screamed.

It was such a wussy scream, but the boys didn’t even laugh at me.  This was serious.  We were all in danger with this gigantic insect mere inches from my head and me behind the wheel.  I reached a shaky hand up toward the intruder and pushed the button to close the sunroof.

I’ve never seen a sunroof move more slowly in all my life.  The glass top slid forward before settling down into place, revealing more closely the exact location of this awful, horrible insect.

It was INSIDE the glass.  INSIDE the car.

I watched in horror as the moon roof portion automatically slid forward.  Would it crush this alien?  Would this horrid creature attempt to fly away only to crash into the now-closed glass roof and land in my hair? The moon roof pressed into place and the creature did not stir.  I could see it’s long legs and folded wings through a crack where the moon roof met the frame of the car.

I pulled over into the faculty parking lot, unlocked the car and the three of us jumped out as if the vehicle was on fire.

This is when I pulled my sexist card and turned to my two BOYS and told them both, “You HAVE to save your Mother.  I am scared and you two are brave.  You have to get that bug!”

The both looked at me for a few seconds before talking simultaneously.

“No way, I’m not touching it.”

“I hate bugs, I’m not doing it.”

“Make Max do it! He found it!”

“Sam is older!”

It was no use.  My girl card wasn’t getting me anywhere.  We three stood in the parking lot next to my running car and tried not to throw up.

Patrick was on his way to an appointment.  The boys were positive they were going to be of NO HELP to me whatsoever.

So I decided to forego vehicular transportation forever.  I would just turn over the car and we could walk home.  Walk everywhere.  I was NOT touching that putrid thing.  Just not happening.

Nick, the crossing guard was standing at the edge of the parking lot and he was watching me wring my hands and shake my head.  He must’ve smelled the bile rising in my throat and the fear pouring from my pores because he came over and asked if we were okay.

I showed him through the top of the sunroof what horrors lay inside my car.  He looked at me with sympathetic eyes and asked, “How do you open it?”

I stuttered out an answer and he sat in the death trap driver’s seat and pushed the sunroof button.

Nick, my savior, reached in WITH HIS BARE HANDS and grabbed the leg of the giant grasshopper.

He pulled it out and held it up for us to see.

The beast was dead.

I hugged that wonderful man for doing this selfless deed.  He is a saint.  Saint Nick saved my life.






17. December 2014 by Shannon
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