Why I hate chevron-patterned anything
Chevron or zig-zag patterned anything is the fashion trend of my nightmares. If you’ve ever suffered a migraine with aura, you might agree.
I’m still tumbling through the nauseating, dizzying skull crush of my most recent migraine. My ears are ringing and the sound of my own voice is too loud. Like a hard-hitting sub-woofer, my eardrums thump viciously at every noise. I’m still wearing my black sleep mask, even if on my forehead, ready to pull it over my eyes at even the slightest hint of light. It began with the telltale chevron aura, the pattern every Pinterest Mom loves and every migraineur hates.
It started Monday night while Patrick and I watched the third movie in the Rocky series (a trigger, perhaps?). Rocky Balboa and Apollo Creed were volleying clever banter while circling around the boxing ring in dead Mickey’s gym. The heavyweights threw simultaneous punches before they melted into a 80’s impressionist painting. The credits rolled and Patrick began his Clubber Lang (or Mr. T?) impression, “I pity the fool who tries to defeat me!” I rolled my eyes (he’s still such a teenager, and I love it) and looked at his distorted face. Wait, what?
Part of Patrick’s cheek was missing. That’s odd, I thought. I tried to blink away what was surely just a speck in my eye. I’m always in migraine denial. I snapped my eyes to the blank wall to see if the blind spot was still there and I blinked furiously in the hopes it was just a fluke.
This was no fluke or speck. It was a migraine aura.
A migraine aura is a fascinating sight. If I didn’t know it was soon followed by crushing pain, I’d rather enjoy it. I’ve never done LSD or ‘shrooms, but I imagine the trip is similar.
For me, the aura starts as a tiny speck or flash of light, similar to the retinal burn after a camera flash. Then the speck grows into a zig-zag shape and inside the shape my vision is severely distorted (or gone completely). My auras look a lot like this…
… Hence my intense hatred of the chevron pattern; a fashion trend meant to torture migraineurs the world over.
Once the aura starts, so does the migraine clock. I have approximately twenty minutes to swallow a bunch of pills, heat my herbal head wrap and don my face mask to prepare for the onslaught of pain and nausea. Not much helps save for lying perfectly still in a cool, quiet, dark room which is very hard to come by in a house with two little boys. The pain can last anywhere from a few hours to a few days.
The crazy part about migraines is that they have a prodromal period (it’s like headache PMS) which, for me, usually includes despondency and intense carb cravings. I’ll feel extremely depressed or weepy for a day or two before the migraine strikes. Then after the pain has subsided, I’ll have a migraine hangover for another day or two. This involves extreme fatigue, impaired cognitive function and a short temper. In other words, I’m a tired, dumb bitch. Sorry, Gentlemen. This lady’s spoken for!
For now, I’m still in the pain and nausea stage. Patrick, this is my preemptive apology for my behavior tomorrow and the next day.
Do you suffer from migraines? What do you do to help ease the pain? LSD or ‘shrooms?
I kid! Sort of.