Despicable Me

I’m a jerk.  An opinionated asshole.  I say what I think and offend others easily.  I enjoy a good debate and often elicit arguments for the fun of it.  I take pleasure in discussing an idea, batting for both hemispheres.  Left-brained, right-brained – good dialogue is indifferent.

I want others to call me on my bullshit and offer the same to those who have the displeasure of my company.  I find it impossible to keep my mouth shut when someone tells me something.  I am unable to dispense with a smile and nod (“Oh, that’s nice!”) when presented with an idea I disagree with.  I find that practice to be condescending and think my honest opinion, however unpopular, is far more agreeable than cloaking myself in a veil of duplicity.

I claim that I am non-judgmental only after I’ve assaulted you with what I think, but honestly it doesn’t matter to me which path you choose as long as we can have a friendly debate and think around the entire matter before agreeing to disagree.

I believe in full disclosure.  I’m an information whore.  I want your opinion and to hear what I’ve done wrong so I can amend my ways or defend why I’m right.

I take perverse pleasure in conversation; I am a glutton of gab.  Do not mistake me for a gossip for I will shut that shit down with silent artifice, flinging my disapproval like a shot-put, heavy and solid in its landing.  I will then lash you with the Lady of Grantham glare.

I am known by many and liked by few.  I know this and yet I cannot change.  Restraining my tongue is a skill I do not have.  F-bombs fly from my lips with feral ribaldry, although vulgarity is no substitute for wit.  I do not claim wittiness, but honesty.

I like to think my brashness is the writer in me, that my predilection for controversy makes me interesting, but I think I’m just a jerk.

A contentious stand-alone.

I put the “ass” in assertive.

Surely, I mean no harm.  I value the differences in people and what others can teach me from their point of view.  My opinion on a matter has no bearing on my fondness for you.  I like you even if you don’t agree with my choices and I think our disparities help us grow.  You can do a thing and I can disagree and we can still be friends.  Go ahead, try me.  I double-dog dare you.

So if you find you’re put off by me, please know that I am not trying to offend you.  I leave you with this:

If we shadows have offended,
Think but this, and all is mended,
That you have but slumber’d here
While these visions did appear.
And this weak and idle theme,
No more yielding but a dream,
Gentles, do not reprehend:
if you pardon, we will mend:
And, as I am an honest Puck,
If we have unearned luck
Now to ‘scape the serpent’s tongue,
We will make amends ere long;
Else the Puck a liar call;
So, good night unto you all.
Give me your hands, if we be friends,
And Robin shall restore amends.

–          Puck, A Midsummer Night’s Dream

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15. March 2013 by Shandmin
Categories: General | Tags: , | Leave a comment